How to Speak Dating Like a Gen Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Phrases for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {